insomnia

I can't sleep.

My pooch has been getting me up the entire night.

1:52 am She barks at me. I don't want to go outside and take her out (since Lord knows I've been stopped by a cop at that hour before- and not even for violating the law; the cop stopped me to make fun of me for spoiling my dog), so I just settle to opening my room door so she can have free, full roam to the rest of the house. Big mistake.

2:30 am Cookie comes back into the room and barks and then leaves. Good, I can get some rest up in dis' piece.

3:48 am I wake up to a sound in the living room. Oh gosh. She's gotten into the trash! NO! I get up and look down the hallway. I see a familiar object- something white in her mouth. Shit, toilet paper again? I run down the hallway in an effort to wrench the t.p. from her mouth, but I'm way too fkn tired. I admit defeat and let her run through the entire house t.p.'ing it to her heart's glee. I'm thinking to myself, okay, she'll wear herself out and I can finally get some good, quality zzz's. I go back to my room and close the door.

4: 50 am A scratch at the door. Shit. It's Cookie knocking. Fine, I let her in. She barks at me, but not the I-want-your-attention-pet-me-bark. It's the I-gotta-take-a-fat-shit-bark. Oh gosh. I get my dumbass up and take her out. She does her thang.

SO WHY THE FCK AM I UP RIGHT NOW BLOGGING ABOUT IT?! Meanwhile, the pooch is knocked the eff out on my bed all comfy and cozy while I'm wide-eyed over here.

Oh yeah, because I'm a fkn loser and my dog has me whipped.
P